BOOT CAMP: Session 4

Good morning from Boot Camp!
One of the many babies that attend is sleeping away in the sunshine.

You can't beat having a boot camp in the sunshine on the water!

"Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance."

— Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose)

Timing is everything in life. I happened to pick up Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth a few short weeks before I was blindsided by a terrifying event threatening my life and that of my un born son. It took me a while to really get into the book. It starts out slow and I made the mistake of reading it poolside on a girl’s weekend in which my attention span was as short as the text in an US Weekly Magazine. I read aloud phrases to my girlfriends as they snickered. Phrases like (to paraphrase) “…to separate from the ego one must give away all material things and focus on fulfillment from within….from nature.” They laughed and one friend threw out the snide comment “Ya Megan, that sounds great for you…..sell your house, give up your pedicures and take a walk in the woods…then let me know if you miss your ego.” Well, truth be told, yes Tolle’s words reminded me quite a bit of Existentialism, which I had studied as an English Major in college. You know, Emerson, Thoreau. Those guys. The basic tenement was that ego was what got us in trouble; it was the devil on our shoulder. That in order to experience true happiness in life we must separate from materialism and derive joy from nature and our inner beauty. Actually, as I tuned out the laughter of my girl friends, I kept reading and got hooked on what Tolle was saying. It made sense; however , HOW was I going to separate from my ego?

Tolle had an answer for me. He said that in order to separate from one’s ego one must focus on the here and now-the moment. Not the past, not the future. He said we are constantly regretting or romanticizing the past which kept us “stuck” there and we are also guilty of projecting forward to the future which ultimately means we cannot live fully in the moment. Evidently, the moment is all we are guaranteed in life.

We have all watched enough Dateline NBC to know that in a flash our life can end. Car accident, disease, the list is long. I began to think about this concept of living in the moment and I was intrigued. The caveat of course is that you cannot hurt others in doing so. Tolle is not suggesting you run out, grab a drink with the pool boy, skip carpool and roll in around 3 am to an angry husband and a straight jacket. He is merely suggesting that we become more cognizant of appreciating the here and now and making the most out of what we have because theoretically all you are guaranteed is what you have now.

Weeks later I began hemorrhaging in my 32 week of pregnancy with my son Kane and was rushed to the ER and sentenced to bed rest until I delivered him in week 36 (if I made it). I was told that although he would be fine I might not live. The specialists marched in and out of my room and each time they left and the door clicked softly I broke down in fear. But then, thanks to Tolle, something switched on inside me and I had an epiphany: if I was going to die in a month I was going to live now and be thankful for what I had in the moment. I had everything. I had two healthy sons, a husband and a wonderful family. No one had cancer. No one was homeless. Life was good. In the moment I was perfect. I was blessed. It was simple. Someone was bringing me food, I had clothes, and I was pain free. What else could I ask for? I knew my baby would be healthy and had been told he would survive delivery even if I didn’t. MY LIFE WAS PERFECT!

In the hospital you have no identity. You are a number. A chart. You are not known for the neighborhood in which you live, the car you drive, the school your child attends, or where you vacation or work. You are a patient linked to a social security number. In essence, unwittingly, I had separated from my ego. All of my happiness had to be gleaned from within.

Each day a nurse would come in and change the number on my dry erase board which read “Baby due in………….(fill in the blank) days”. Each day I was one day closer to possibly dying. But each day was perfect because as she changed the number and opened the blinds I went through my mental inventory: the boys are healthy, my unborn child is healthy, my husband is healthy, my family is healthy, I have food and I am pain free. I repeated it over and over in my head. When I slipped into self pity as the hours dragged on, the days seemed eternal, my view of the parking lot had me down or my tanned friends dropped by with cupcakes and apologetic pitiful looks, I would repeat my new mantra. I was living in the moment. It was all I had. I was grateful for the moment in which my life was perfect.

Tolle’s book saved me that month from a deep dark depression and of course I lived to tell about it. I survived delivery but only barely having lost all of my blood and being only seconds from the death they had warned me about. A friend of mine is married to a partner in the Anesthesiologist group that worked on me and months later told me what had really happened in the OR, all the little twists and turns that saved my life including a coincidence which was the elusive hand of fate in the end allotting me more time on earth.

I don’t recommend hanging out teetering on the edge of life or death or jumping out of a plane to create an environment in which you are forced to appreciate the moment and to separate from your ego.  I experience it each time I run, each time I exercise.

During exercise you are forced to block out the loud voice in your head nagging you about all the tedious tasks you left undone or how bad you think you look in your jeans, or that fight with your best friend or husband. You are forced to concentrate. On balance. On breathing. On the here and the now. It is during exercise that I truly live in the moment. Each one is perfect. I am healthy;  I am moving;  I am alive.

Most importantly, during exercise, you have to separate from your ego. You are just another girl in black capris. You are not your house, your car, your children’s school; you are just you, sweaty, breathing hard-you. The moment is perfect when you are running across a field in the sunshine. The moment is perfect when you are doing sit ups. The moment is perfect when you are making your heart work hard as nature intended it to do.